Ramadhan days

Indeed, time flies so fast. Just like a blink of eyes, It’s been 24th day of Ramadhan already. What have I done for almost 3 weeks? Have I done better that last Ramadhan? Have I achieved what I want to achieve in this Ramadhan? Those questions haunted me, and I feel nerves every time I reflect about it.

Maybe I have done less better this year because I am very busy with new house, new neighbor, hampers preparation, family picture preparation on Eid, breaking the fast together with cousins and friends, planning for mudik, and of course my work trip. God, now I know why my feet feel so tired everytime I woke up for sahoor

>,<.

Although I try to strive for ibadah sunnah during my busyness, but still, there are two days I skipped tarawih because I was super tired and the time showed midnight already. I let my tarawih done in my dream :(.

Maybe I have mixed prioritize in this Ramadhan, not like the last year when I was so focus on khataming my Quran from Juz 1 to Juz 30. Alhamdulillah Allah made me achieve my target last year. Praise to Allah. I don’t know when I will be able to do it again. But this year, maybe Allah directs me to go through times and still remember that “this month is Ramadhan, Nahdya. It’s Ramadhan.“. Maybe that’s why I am always able to wake up for sahoor at 3.30 and cook. OMG, I can’t believe myself! Or maybe that is why I am so eager to cook at home most of the days, so my husband and I can break the fast together at home. Or maybe that’s why all stuffs I mentioned above going well and I still have time to read Quran. Or maybe that’s why I could plan the trip for my brother and sister who are finally come to celebrate Eid in my Father’s house in Semarang and we will have a long roadtrip. Or maybe any other else a good reasons beyond in this hectic holy month.

I may not achieve my target this Ramadhan. My target is much simple than last year: to do all the sholat sunnah or at least tarawih fully in this Ramadhan. It’s clear, I missed two days already. But I achieve so many more that I didn’t plan before. I hope.. really hope Allah directs me just like I feel which are, I’m getting better in serving my families, waking up in the morning and cook (!), cleaning up the house, and showing better attitudes at work (I really have issue with someone at the office.. you can imagine the drama).

I hope Allah sees me and happy with what I did. It’s always based on His Name I take my every step.

Please

Since it’s everyday I meet her, I try to forgive her everyday.

I try to forgive her to the gossip she makes out of everyone.

I try to forgive her to the bad thought she has for everyone.

I try to forgive her by not making a good example of someone they call “boss”.

I try to forgive her for the hypocrite side of her every time she talks about religion and then she lies to cover her attitude.

The lies.. OMG.. Those lies..

I try to forgive her for the ignorance she cause by giving negative energy to us.

I try to forgive her every single day.

I am not wanting her around my life for now.

Please please protect me, Allah.

Please..

Once in a while

A few days ago I cried again because I was out of town and felt so sick and yet still have to work. I had a fever, sore throat, and headache. All I wanted to do was laying on bed and close my eyes, but someone forced me to join the event because she said it will be a chaos without me and so on. So I did it.

The next morning, on my way home I couldn’t make any talks because I save that talking energy to get home safely. As planned for days, I slept all days for three days and felt energized this morning. Alhamdulillah.

Since I become more aware of my body, I notice that whenever I feel stress, my gastric acid is up to my throat which cause sore throat, to the lungs which cause hard to breathe, and to somewhere-I-don’t-know which cause me cough. I start to know whether it is from virus or from the gastric acid.

——

It’s good to be “sick” once in a while. Hopefully it will make us more aware of our body, our sins, our stress, our secret sadness, and our God.

What I tell you

And again, I tell you to not see others in negative way.

I tell you to hold your words, before you’re finished filtering what will come out from your mouth.

I tell you to remember that some persons do love you unconditionally, so don’t play a game.

I tell you to use your ears (too), not just your mouth.

I tell you to always be grateful, and being grateful means you take care what you have.

I tell you to control your emotion, before you hurt others.

I tell you to be honest, always and forever.

I often cry

I often cry.

I cry at least once in two weeks.

I cry because of the I feel sad, hurt, guilty, and miss my Mom and Dad.

I don’t know why, but I think Allah wants me to keep me close to Him by giving me series of crying episodes.

Crying does soften my heart, train the empathy, and make me feel depend on Allah so much.

Which is good..

InsyaAllah

Ibu Susy

She’s my boss since I moved here in Tangerang.

Since day one I met her, she not changed. She’s still pretty as the first time I saw her coming to the room.

I’ve known her for 2,5 years now and she’s been through many things.

She’s been through 2 major surgeries for her breast cancer in Singapore, several times of chemotherapy in Jakarta, and uncounted blood tests. She lost all the hairs and weights.

And she survived all those phase. She made it.

She’s been running for 15 k, 17.5 k, and 21 k. She runs for the joy of her life.

Not mentioning her study for doctoral degree in UI, and pass all the tests in a good marks.

She strives for international bid to bring Indonesia to become the host of The 9th World Environmental Education Congress in Bali for 2019 among all the countries in the world. She connects all the stakeholders from the academician, the capital owner, the committee, the leaders in this organization, and the Minister.

And she won it. Indonesia won the bid. Indonesia will held international conference in Bali on 2019, InsyaAllah. It’s all from her big ideas to make Indonesia significant in the eyes of the world.

And another amazing little things she’s done and affect me, or everybody in her circles.

I’m inspired so much.

I am witnessing all the ideas come from her lips with soft voice. Every moves she make (since her desk is in front of me) to make every task delegated and delivered well. Every Zuhur and Ashar prays she made peacefully. Every little gratitude comes every time she sees the food coming or the money she receives. Every make up she puts before she meets guest, after she prays, after she eats, before she attends the meeting. Every self-love she gives to herself everytime she put a lotion on her hands and feet. The the room smells so nice instantly, twice a day.

Yet, she remains the same: humble and confident.

May all your positive vibes to us grant you more love and protection from ALLAH SWT.

Aamiin YRA.

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Yang selanjutnya

Banyak hal yang berubah dan saya ubah untuk mempersiapkan kehadiran keturunan. Masih banyaaaaak sekali yang harus dibenahi. Mulai dari pola makan, pola pikir, dan pola rasa (mind-body-soul). Pola makan harus lebih dijaga dan ditambah sesuai dengan kebutuhan, pola pikir harus dibuat lebih simple, tenang, dan yakin. Pola rasa harus dibuat lebih positif, happy, dan pasrah.

Pertanyaan-pertanyaan seperti

“kapan punya anak? blablabla”

dan dilanjut dengan kalimat-kalimat saran (atau sebenarnya men-judge Idk) tanpa diminta sangatlah mengherankan.

What do you know about me?

Sedangkan ketika saya bertemu orang-orang yang perlu usaha lebih untuk memiliki keturunan, dan rasanya langsung “klik” begitu mereka tahu usia pernikahan saya. Kalimat yang keluar bukan men-judge seperti

“dua-duanya sibuk sih” atau

“emang ditunda?” dll,

tapi kalimat pengharapan dan doa seperti

“ya.. semoga segera dapat ya. Dulu saya juga lama dapatnya. Intinya ada di doa”.

menjadi sangat menenangkan dan menyenangkan :)

Semoga kita semua bisa berbaik hati ya dengan orang lain yang sedang berjuang memiliki keturunan atau berjuang dalam apapun dalam hidupnya tapi tetap positif! Kuncinya ada di tetap positif. For me they are so awesome!

Semangat semuanya. Semangat!

*Bagi yang sedang berjuang tapi kurang positif, either you can kindly advice them or leave them. Both are fine, well at least that’s what I do :p