Once in a while

A few days ago I cried again because I was out of town and felt so sick and yet still have to work. I had a fever, sore throat, and headache. All I wanted to do was laying on bed and close my eyes, but someone forced me to join the event because she said it will be a chaos without me and so on. So I did it.

The next morning, on my way home I couldn’t make any talks because I save that talking energy to get home safely. As planned for days, I slept all days for three days and felt energized this morning. Alhamdulillah.

Since I become more aware of my body, I notice that whenever I feel stress, my gastric acid is up to my throat which cause sore throat, to the lungs which cause hard to breathe, and to somewhere-I-don’t-know which cause me cough. I start to know whether it is from virus or from the gastric acid.


It’s good to be “sick” once in a while. Hopefully it will make us more aware of our body, our sins, our stress, our secret sadness, and our God.

What I tell you

And again, I tell you to not see others in negative way.

I tell you to hold your words, before you’re finished filtering what will come out from your mouth.

I tell you to remember that some persons do love you unconditionally, so don’t play a game.

I tell you to use your ears (too), not just your mouth.

I tell you to always be grateful, and being grateful means you take care what you have.

I tell you to control your emotion, before you hurt others.

I tell you to be honest, always and forever.

I often cry

I often cry.

I cry at least once in two weeks.

I cry because of the I feel sad, hurt, guilty, and miss my Mom and Dad.

I don’t know why, but I think Allah wants me to keep me close to Him by giving me series of crying episodes.

Crying does soften my heart, train the empathy, and make me feel depend on Allah so much.

Which is good..


Ibu Susy

She’s my boss since I moved here in Tangerang.

Since day one I met her, she not changed. She’s still pretty as the first time I saw her coming to the room.

I’ve known her for 2,5 years now and she’s been through many things.

She’s been through 2 major surgeries for her breast cancer in Singapore, several times of chemotherapy in Jakarta, and uncounted blood tests. She lost all the hairs and weights.

And she survived all those phase. She made it.

She’s been running for 15 k, 17.5 k, and 21 k. She runs for the joy of her life.

Not mentioning her study for doctoral degree in UI, and pass all the tests in a good marks.

She strives for international bid to bring Indonesia to become the host of The 9th World Environmental Education Congress in Bali for 2019 among all the countries in the world. She connects all the stakeholders from the academician, the capital owner, the committee, the leaders in this organization, and the Minister.

And she won it. Indonesia won the bid. Indonesia will held international conference in Bali on 2019, InsyaAllah. It’s all from her big ideas to make Indonesia significant in the eyes of the world.

And another amazing little things she’s done and affect me, or everybody in her circles.

I’m inspired so much.

I am witnessing all the ideas come from her lips with soft voice. Every moves she make (since her desk is in front of me) to make every task delegated and delivered well. Every Zuhur and Ashar prays she made peacefully. Every little gratitude comes every time she sees the food coming or the money she receives. Every make up she puts before she meets guest, after she prays, after she eats, before she attends the meeting. Every self-love she gives to herself everytime she put a lotion on her hands and feet. The the room smells so nice instantly, twice a day.

Yet, she remains the same: humble and confident.

May all your positive vibes to us grant you more love and protection from ALLAH SWT.

Aamiin YRA.


Yang selanjutnya

Banyak hal yang berubah dan saya ubah untuk mempersiapkan kehadiran keturunan. Masih banyaaaaak sekali yang harus dibenahi. Mulai dari pola makan, pola pikir, dan pola rasa (mind-body-soul). Pola makan harus lebih dijaga dan ditambah sesuai dengan kebutuhan, pola pikir harus dibuat lebih simple, tenang, dan yakin. Pola rasa harus dibuat lebih positif, happy, dan pasrah.

Pertanyaan-pertanyaan seperti

“kapan punya anak? blablabla”

dan dilanjut dengan kalimat-kalimat saran (atau sebenarnya men-judge Idk) tanpa diminta sangatlah mengherankan.

What do you know about me?

Sedangkan ketika saya bertemu orang-orang yang perlu usaha lebih untuk memiliki keturunan, dan rasanya langsung “klik” begitu mereka tahu usia pernikahan saya. Kalimat yang keluar bukan men-judge seperti

“dua-duanya sibuk sih” atau

“emang ditunda?” dll,

tapi kalimat pengharapan dan doa seperti

“ya.. semoga segera dapat ya. Dulu saya juga lama dapatnya. Intinya ada di doa”.

menjadi sangat menenangkan dan menyenangkan :)

Semoga kita semua bisa berbaik hati ya dengan orang lain yang sedang berjuang memiliki keturunan atau berjuang dalam apapun dalam hidupnya tapi tetap positif! Kuncinya ada di tetap positif. For me they are so awesome!

Semangat semuanya. Semangat!

*Bagi yang sedang berjuang tapi kurang positif, either you can kindly advice them or leave them. Both are fine, well at least that’s what I do :p

People in my office

Suddenly I love everyone in my office. They teach me so many things to become a better person.

They show me how to live life when they’re old and nothing to hope for. Yet some show me how to keep on reaching the stars no matter how old they are.

They show me what kind of life to live by complaining, gossiping, making small issues become so big. Yet the other show me how to live gracefully, happily, no matter how hard life is going.

They show me how to always play victim of small stuff. Yet the other tell me stories how to be strong in a family drama situation.

I’m thankful of all examples of people who I want to be and don’t want to be.

You are all enough for me.

Thank You. :)



A bit more love

It’s been almost 3 years we live as a family, go through wonderful journey and full of meaning about what is love, family, and Allah SWT.

As a normal family, we are not always have only good times, but also a hard times. When it comes to the hard one, it’s really hard because we’re not a friend back then. We knew each other for a while and then decide to marry at the 8th months of our relationship. So, these 3 years are special because we just learn to know each other, love each other, and protect each other. We learn to build a family and make foundation from our each experience and background in family. However, we always look for Allah everytime we went through hard times, and I am more clear know about the definition of “Love your spouse because of Allah“. InsyaAllah.

There are some moments when you face the hard times, because you need to learn something new, you need to be upgraded, you need to be better. :) You can always choose your reactions, thoughts, feelings over what happen to you. You are in control of them. It might be hard at the first trials, but what I have done and InsyaAllah work (for me) is: identify what makes you happy and unhappy, then do more what makes you happy and leave what makes you unhappy. It’s important to be happy and peace inside, because it will show on your action and words. The energy will be different if you have positive mind and heart. Life will be much easier :)

If you are now trying to fix your heart, reconnecting the concepts and realities that don’t make sense, regrouping all the puzzles in the past, I can tell you that you are already in your way. You are getting there, where the peace of heart is. I am sure.

It’s just need a bit more love everyday in what we do for our family. And what I find very ultimate reason to do everything is, do it for Allah. Do it because Allah has granted you the family you asked for. Do it because Allah has granted you the opportunity of good deeds in a family you hope for. Do it because Allah has granted you the “perfection” you imagine of. Do it because Allah has made you who you are now, and you are getting better, wiser, more mature. InsyaAllah. Do it because it’s your duty that Allah wants you to do. And to please Allah is the only reason we live for.