There will be days I’ll cherish for its beauty. And there will days I’ll remember for its bitterness. One day I wake up with a smile and the other day I sleep with tears. For some reasons,trauma makes my sacrifation feel like not worth it and I realize that simple things matter, like a smile, a little help, laugh, sharing food, say hello, share daily activities, a walk to campus, and singing along way back home, send text to parents, call my grandma, sleep, listen to music, see beautiful moments in pictures, and every small thing that makes my eyes teary when I remember it.
Deep inside my heart I know that the bitterness will not make me any worse but closer to God. The betrayal, lies, cheat, offensive words, disrespect, fear, temper, selfishness, nasty arguments, childish attitude, narrow-minded, snob feelings, and everything that makes me kneel to God to say “I’m sorry, I can’t. Show me the best way”.
Then I realize, if it is God who I always have to pursue, those beautiful and bitterness will not make any difference.