Ramadhan days

Indeed, time flies so fast. Just like a blink of eyes, It’s been 24th day of Ramadhan already. What have I done for almost 3 weeks? Have I done better that last Ramadhan? Have I achieved what I want to achieve in this Ramadhan? Those questions haunted me, and I feel nerves every time I reflect about it.

Maybe I have done less better this year because I am very busy with new house, new neighbor, hampers preparation, family picture preparation on Eid, breaking the fast together with cousins and friends, planning for mudik, and of course my work trip. God, now I know why my feet feel so tired everytime I woke up for sahoor

>,<.

Although I try to strive for ibadah sunnah during my busyness, but still, there are two days I skipped tarawih because I was super tired and the time showed midnight already. I let my tarawih done in my dream :(.

Maybe I have mixed prioritize in this Ramadhan, not like the last year when I was so focus on khataming my Quran from Juz 1 to Juz 30. Alhamdulillah Allah made me achieve my target last year. Praise to Allah. I don’t know when I will be able to do it again. But this year, maybe Allah directs me to go through times and still remember that “this month is Ramadhan, Nahdya. It’s Ramadhan.“. Maybe that’s why I am always able to wake up for sahoor at 3.30 and cook. OMG, I can’t believe myself! Or maybe that is why I am so eager to cook at home most of the days, so my husband and I can break the fast together at home. Or maybe that’s why all stuffs I mentioned above going well and I still have time to read Quran. Or maybe that’s why I could plan the trip for my brother and sister who are finally come to celebrate Eid in my Father’s house in Semarang and we will have a long roadtrip. Or maybe any other else a good reasons beyond in this hectic holy month.

I may not achieve my target this Ramadhan. My target is much simple than last year: to do all the sholat sunnah or at least tarawih fully in this Ramadhan. It’s clear, I missed two days already. But I achieve so many more that I didn’t plan before. I hope.. really hope Allah directs me just like I feel which are, I’m getting better in serving my families, waking up in the morning and cook (!), cleaning up the house, and showing better attitudes at work (I really have issue with someone at the office.. you can imagine the drama).

I hope Allah sees me and happy with what I did. It’s always based on His Name I take my every step.

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Ibadah

Saya mendapatkan definisi ibadah yang lebih luas selama berada di tanah suci. Maha Besar Allah yang sudah memberikan hidayah kepada semua hambaNya. Segala pujian tertinggi hanya untukMu. Berada di tempat dimana semua orang memuji namaMu, mungkin lupa bahwa sesungguhnya ibadah tidak hanya vertikal, tetapi juga horizontal.

Maka, ini sedikit oleh – oleh dari hikmah perjalanan di tanah suci:

Bersabar adalah ibadah

Membantu orang lain adalah ibadah

Mengerti situasi adalah ibadah

Berempati adalah ibadah

Ramah adalah ibadah

Tidak menyakiti perasaan orang lain adalah ibadah

Tidak menyakiti fisik orang lain adalah ibadah

Belajar adalah ibadah

Mendengarkan dengan baik adalah ibadah

Memaafkan adalah ibadah

Berlapang dada adalah ibadah

Bersih adalah ibadah

Rapi adalah ibadah

Senyum adalah ibadah

Berbaur adalah ibadah

Tidak mengeluh adalah ibadah

Tidak berkomentar yang tidak penting adalah ibadah

 

Semua kebaikanmu untuk orang lain pasti ibadah

Semua kebaikanmu untuk dirimu sendiri belum tentu ibadah

 

Maka, jadikan orang lain ladang ibadahmu, jika kamu sedang berkumpul.

Jadikan dirimu ladang ibadahmu, jika kamu sedang sendiri.

Ramadhan 2013

I think the last two-year-of Ramadhan is my Ramadhan moment. I remember in Ramadhan 2013, I set a target to do Tarawih prayer at the all mosques in Yogya. I remember, I never went home early to prepare for my iftar because after office hour I went to the mosque where I’ve never been to, and I searched for restaurant or street food for iftar. I was alone at that time. There are only two or three days that my friend joined with my ritual: from the office to the mosque, then had an iftar and pray maghrib, continued with reading Quran and did tarawih and witir prayer. If I’m not mistaken, I did it every single day. I got home at 9 pm. Then I had no energy left to do anything other than sleeping and continuing my days. Even when I was out of town, I searched the mosque and did the same ritual.

Yes, it was exhausting. There were several days I had fever because I was lack of rest. My Mom was worried, and I convinced her I’m OK.

I also set a goal to give sodaqoh where I did tarawih prayer. Again, every single day.

The question are, why I did all those rituals? How did I do to consistently do that ritual?

The answer is, I was longing for a partner. I pushed myself to did it with focusing on my goal.

After years of failed relationship, after sooooo bloody many questions about marriage, after I grew some lumps in my breast, after I learned how to love and appreciate myself, after I found another Nahdya in me, I did longing for a partner and I prayed hard in that Ramadhan.

And then, 3 months later, someone came. He literally came from “out of the blue” situation. He never intended to date me. Only one meeting and he asked me to marry him. The rest of the months until our marriage day were only preparation for the big day.

It feels like miracle.

God really works in ways the we will never know.

Don’t lose faith in Him.

What makes me feels like having another miracle is the total amount of money that I gave for shodaqoh in Ramadhan 2013 is the same amount of money that my husband give to me every single month for nafkah!

This is surreal for me. There is a hadits that says if you do one good deed in Ramadhan, God will return it to you 10 more times. And God has given me more than 10 times because we’ve married for 13 months now. I know that is not the right way to count. The point is, just do more prayer, shodaqoh, good deeds, kindness, everything your cells can do in this Holy Month.

Do not waste every second chance because it’s Ramadhan! :) :) :)

Life’s changing

Now I really believe that the foundation of life is Islam. It’s very true when we obey what God has told us in Al-Quran & Hadits, we will be blessed. Blessed means everything we do will only get us closer to Him. By all means of being closer to Him, I’m sure life will be simple yet rich of meaning, fulfilled, and full of love to every human being. 

Life’s always changed. Everything in this world is just temporary. But our deeds will last forever. So don’t missed the focus.

Mencari berkah

Beberapa waktu lalu saya posting tulisan mengenai “Pantas Digaji Berapa” yang saya copas dari status teman di Path. Tulisan itu benar-benar mempengaruhi dan mengubah cara pandang dan etos kerja saya (tsah).

Mungkin baru kemarin saya tidak terlalu peduli bahwa apa yang saya kerjakan di jam kerja akan menentukan keberkahan hidup. Sepertinya baru kemarin saya beranggapan memakai jam kantor untuk mengerjakan keperluan pribadi adalah sah-sah saja selama pekerjaan kantor tidak terbengkalai. Rasanya baru kemarin saya memakai fasilitas kantor dengan perasaan puas karena saya tidak perlu membeli apa yang sudah ada di kantor.

Dan sekarang, saya merasa sangat keliru.

Saya keliru berpikiran bahwa jam bekerja juga termasuk jam mengerjakan urusan pribadi. Saya keliru mengira peralatan kantor dapat digunakan sesukanya untuk kepentingan pribadi.

Tapi saya percaya keliru atau tidak keliru itu relatif. Tergantung dari seberapa banyaknya jam bekerja atau alat kantor yang kita gunakan untuk kepentingan pribadi. Selama tidak berlebihan, dan semua pekerjaan tetap selesai, saya pikir itu tidak apa-apa.

Namun, saya sekarang lebih berhati-hati dalam menerima kemudahan fasilitas kantor atau uang yang memang menjadi hak saya. Sehingga saya jadi berpikir panjang ketika menerima uang. Apa betul uang ini pantas saya dapatkan? Apa yang saya kerjakan sehingga saya pantas dibayar segini? Kalau semua bisa terjawab dengan baik, minimal hati lebih plong dalam menerima uang atau fasilitas kantor.

Ketika ada rekan di kantor yang sudah meniatkan untuk mengambil manfaat sebesar-besarnya untuk kemakmuran rakyat (ya, kurang lebih tujuannya sama: untuk kesejahteraan haha), maka ada rekayasa administrasi yang sudah direncanakan. Haduh, dari awal ko caranya sudah begitu? Walaupun tujuannya baik, tapi kalau caranya jelek, apa bisa hasilnya baik? Apa bisa berkah?

Baru tadi saya mengalami (untuk yang kesekian kali) pemikiran semacam itu. Saya tolak mentah-mentah. Takut Allah ga ngasih berkah hanya gara-gara uang ga seberapa.

Ukuran berkah ini memang intangible. Tidak bisa diukur dengan uang sama sekali. Misalnya, suami yang baik, kesehatan, orang tua yang perhatian, teman-teman yang baik, punya sahabat, dll. Semua itu, saya percaya, adalah berkah yang lebih besar daripada tambahan 1 hari uang harian perjalanan dinas yang tidak pernah dilaksanakan.

Semoga kita semua bisa istiqomah mencari berkah Allah, tidak hanya melihat rezeki dari nilai uang, tapi sesuatu yang lebih besar lagi. Amin