the first hard task

I’m not intending to do one goal each month then go to the next goal, but rather I want to do all the goals everyday and focus on one goal each month. So, as this is the second month, I would like to focus on the second goal: family comes first.

First of all let me tell you a story of my regular vacation during Eid. My family and I usually go to my grandma’s house out of town and after that we will visit our relatives in another two different cities. We travel by car. A long, tiring, and sometimes fun journey :p. However, it’s already two years in a row we didn’t visit our grandma. Last year, my brother’s family gather at my parents’ house and I was still in NL. This year, my parents’ condition is not possible to travel far by car. So, here we are, only me and my parents celebrate the first Eid at home.

I am so happy that the fact I’m not facing my relatives who will ask “when will you get married? etc.”. Personally, I don’t like to be asked like that by my relatives who never talk to me and out of the blue ask that question. Seriously :) But weeellll, it’s their right to ask anything. And it’s my obligation to answer it as polite as I can. :)

And how if that question comes from my parents? Asking the question that I don’t want to answer it yet, but I should.

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the 1st month

Yesterday was actually the first month of this blessing project. Need to evaluate the first goal: to be happier.

As I have tried to formulate a conclusion when I try to be happier, I can tell that how many actions I do or the philosophical thinking I come up with, the first thing is always remember Allah and ask for guidance.

Second, try to have self-control in any circumstances. Don’t bother of what people say, but make their saying as a reflection on who we are in their perspectives.

Third, be brave. Be brave to decide for my sake happiness.

And the rest actions will follow..

focus

:)

I’m writing this at the airport while waiting for my plane for the next 2,5 hours. I got a great view after a long walk inside the waiting room, I need to charge my laptop. I just realize after crossing several plugs that were full, Indonesian people (including me) have high dependency on their gadget: phone, tablet, laptop, music player, portable game, you name it. But finally I got a seat where I can see the trees and sky clearly. There’s always light after a long dark walk ;p

So, what is about focusย to me?

Trying to run this project with certain corridors that manifested into actions according to my and other’s experiences, I find that this way is really helpful. All my energy and mind are concentrating to the goal I want to achieve. Then, I realize it’s not a new thing for me. I’ve been this focus when pursuing the scholarship, thesis, job. The difference is now I try to concentrate more in giving to people around me, my environment, and system outside myself.

The rule is still the same: Focus on the goals and principlesย but not forgetting my happy-self. For example:

  • Every time I feel sad about something, I will remember my 11 rules how to be happier and start cleaning my face :p.
  • Every time someone ask for my help and I feel so lazy on helping him/her, then I remember that I want to give any information/help other than my office tasks.
  • When I grump about the parking man who suddenly come for money when I want to leave the parking lot but he’s absence when I try hard to find a parking for myself, then I remember to give charity once a week.
  • And now, every once a week I call my dad, mom, and grandmother just to say hi and share some stories because I have a goal on to put my family first.
  • To give smile, compliments, freedom, and courage to persons around me are part of my goal on to build others.
  • And lastly, I still try to keep my target for this Ramadhan on finishing reading Quran. That target keeps me focus on not to do the seductive activities such as watch movie or hangout.ย But still, I’m a bit pessimist about this target. :(

So, having goals or target keeps me focus on what’s the important thing in life (for a some period of time).

And if all things go sooooooo wrong, these are my two best ways to run from bitter reality: go sleep or go out.

:D :D :D

small heart vs big heart

The difference between the two is in the way they express the disagreement of opinion or circumstance. The small heart will act with anger while the big heart will respond with understanding.

How I be a big heart one?

I try to see circumstance or opinion in many perspectives, as many as I could. Then, every time I get piss with them, I have two options: I can give them fuel for anger or I can remain silent.

That’s simple.

If I want fire, I will make it.

Or the other way around.

And life is a matter of choice.

the scores and update :D

I made a change in my small goals to make it more complete. Listen, these are some updates :)

  1. Be happier –> Be happier
  2. Family comes first –> Family comes first
  3. Scholarship information the process of going to the Netherlands –> Any information regarding scholarship, environment, or anything other than office tasks :|
  4. Build others –> Build others
  5. Charity every once a week –> Charity every once a week
  6. (addition) Have a small target for self improvement, for example khatam Quran in Ramadhan and taraweh keliling just like my target in this holy month. ^^

fufuufufu

And for the score, I have a thought on how to measure my successful in this blessing project: One point for each positive action according to each goal. The higher the score, the better. *Still don’t know what to do with the scores, though :p*.

the positive magnitude

What a boring title. Indeed, I’m bored also with this self-issue that still continues. Still wonder how to evolve from being suspicious and worried into faith and surrender.

I’ve been crying once in a week for the past two weeks. The accumulation of negative magnitudes that came from outside and within me. I realize that being alone in my bedroom without sunlight (because it’s night) and nobody to talk to… just make the situation worse. All that negative thought strikes me easily, especially when I’m tired and running out of energy to control myself. My heart feels so weak.

And I’ve been thinking on how to solve this.. Then I came up with a technical solution: don’t be alone for a long time in a room, especially before sleeping time. I’ve heard that being alone is not good. And now, I believe it. The situation is worse at night than day. Sunlight really matters.

I must keep busy on doing anything or going anywhere with a positive reasons to attract more positive magnitude comes in. Bismillaaah >,<

dealing with people

Hi again!

Here I’m writing after attending a meeting that quite irritates me. The problem is not in the meeting itself, but in me. The meeting takes time too long, and I’m tired of it. Yes, sometimes I tend to create the problem within myself, such as I don’t take the idea whole heartedly so I feel reluctant to be in the meeting. As I begin to observe my inner system everytime I feel problem or I see one, I start to realize that my inner system needs to work on these subjects: a stable, pure, and surrender system. In the other hand, I feel good because I know I have formulas on how to boost my energy to be happier (at the previous writing: the small moments). Well, I can tell you. It works well.. really well. Thank God.

The up level challenge after fixing the inner soul is how to deal with the outer system, or in my case, people. I think dealing with people is the life time challenge that will be faced by human. Some people really know how to get my nerves, how to make me feel so low, so on and so forth. So, here are my ways to deal with difficult people, or simply who irritate me :
1. Always try to see the situation from the others’ perspective. In this way, I can avoid many unnecessary problems due to the situation of misunderstood.

2. Talk in a way the way they talk. This method is called mirroring. People tend to feel attracted to another who has the similarity with them, such as the way they talk or the words that they use or the topic they like to talk.

3. Since I can’t respond all the jokes and I refuse to do so, I will defend myself in a situation if someone already cross my tolerance level. For the one who makes joke of me over and over again, the one who doesn’t answer my question properly, and the one who talks behind my back, I will make a defence. A serious defence.

4. Give time for myself to heal. Don’t rush the accepting process of any negative emotions that come from outside. I find the acepting process is really important because I often feel dissapoint on a situation that already happened. Thus, instead of refusing what already passed, I better focus on accepting and moving forward.

5. Ignore the people who want to bring me down, purpose or unpurposely. I won’t waste my energy to respond them.

If those are not working.. I will definetaly leave for a while. Clearing my head and fixing my heart. After all, I am the one who should take care of myself when I’m sad, right? :)