How media has changed us.

It changes our way of thinking about what is beautiful.

It changes our way of seeing what is happiness.

It changes our way of feeling grateful.

Media has determined us.

When knowing and putting make up on means beautiful.

When being exist travelling and active updating in social media means happiness.

When having complete family, boy/girlfriend, lots of gifts means grateful.

Media has formed us.

Peace means yoga.

Love means spouse.

Blessed means having kids.

Media has dictated us.

To be exist in social media.

To buy and eat the most happening food.

To put make up on.

While I’m sure some of those might help us to feel grateful, blessed, peace, loved, etc.

But I’m afraid if I’m not that good or smart enough to manage my heart, I will become someone who doesn’t feel enough with what I have, doesn’t feel content.

Oh how media has big impact nowadays. 

And I’m so afraid of small interventions it gives to me

about dream

I have a dream that is still hanging in my head and ready to come out. The thing is, I don’t find time to grow it day by day, simply because I have another priorities to do as a wife. Pursuing dream makes me feel alive and happy even I only do it for a bit every single day.

I’ve learned that it’s important to have “me time” every week or every month or every range of time you need, that’s why I go back doing yoga twice a week, I bake and cook anything I like, I read a book during my lunch break at the office library, I pray slowly and try to connect with Allah as deep as possible. Then I feel like I’m treating myself good enough.

But, there are still empty room for me, myself, need to fulfill. I know what that is. It’s my desire to grow my dream every single day.

How can I fulfill others when I feel lack of fulfillment?

Being a working wife is not easy for me.

In the other hand, my perfection kills my mood at home whenever I want to do something important. For example, When I want to cook, I see the dirty dishes and kitchen, I turn out clean everything and THEN cook. In the end, I feel exhausted. It happens often. I know I just need to let the mess JUST BE around, but I can’t. I still can’t.

If you ask, so what is your husband doing?

For house work, I can say nothing. Everything is done by me. He’s busy gardening and managing the IG account of @kebunrumahkami, hehehe. He’s actually providing me all the tools I need to clean the house, the equipment to bake and cook everything I want, and the finest gadget to support my work and achieve my dream. Well, I’m happy to do all the work for the sake of my service to God as my new role, wife. But sometimes I’m tired. That’s all I want to say. All the tools indeed should makes the work easier, but then my perfection makes me tired. Hehe this thing really needs to be released when I do the housework.

When I’m tired, I can’t do anything to get closer to my dream. It makes my heart broken every time I see my laptop on the table, waiting patiently for me to find my time, ready to work with me.

Wait, just wait. I’ll chase you in another second. 

I promise. :)

May Allah give us a chance to achieve our dream. Aamiin YRA.

about fear

If fear of fall in love makes someone better, why does love can’t?

If fear of someone makes someone wiser, why does love can’t?

If fear of going back normal makes someone stronger, why does love can’t?

Why does love can’t change something for better?

Why does love can’t move mountain?

Maybe indeed love doesn’t always feel so good.

Maybe love just tests you.

Maybe love is just concept in one person and real action in another.

Maybe love has many faces.

about work

There so many bosses and a few leaders.

Bosses who always check your task but never know how to do it.

Bosses who always busy with their own business and don’t care about where this institution going to.

Bosses who only give command and never offer a team work.

Bosses who think they are always right while the others are wrong.

Bosses who pretend don’t read the message but in the other hand we know that they do.

They are bosses who are irresponsible.

I have enough with them as a part who can make decision.

I really have enough.

extra faith

You might heard a quote about do something that you’ll thank yourself one day. 

Or in other words do something that you’ll never regret forever in this world and hereafter. 

It’s not that good persons don’t know how to do good. But they don’t know how to avoid bad situation. Then they lose their patient, cross the line, and give up to their faith. They end up regret what they did.

It’s indeed a tough world out there, thus every inch of faith must be protected and grown. So everytime we need extra faith, we can pick them up.